Question – Money is becoming a huge problem in our relationship. I think my boyfriend spends too much. Meanwhile, I’ve been accused of being ‘stingy’ and ‘unrealistic’. How can we resolve these conflicts and develop a “team strategy” in the area of finance?
Avatar Answers – I am surprised seeing this question. It used to be usually always the other way. Men are supposed to be stingy and women are supposed to be spending and men usually complain women spend. First thing, I am very happy that the problem is the other way. .
Second thing, understand, the whole question shows the shallowness you have in relationships.
This is the scale I am giving you to find out whether you are in love or not.
1. Money will look fake and useless. When you are really in love or in relationships, suddenly money will become useless. Suddenly it will not matter to your life anymore. If you feel that, only then you are in love. Understand, I am not saying when you are in love, you will throw away all the money, gold, everything in the streets, no.
2. Money loses its power over you. Suddenly your thought is not centered anymore on money, it is centered on the other person.
3. Love awakens your Fulfillment Center. Man has only two centric thinking. One – money centric. Second – fulfillment centric. When you are in love, the fulfillment center gets awakened, it wakes up and it does not let you think about money. It does not let you think about future security. When your love is awakened, suddenly you think fulfillment-based and insecurity gives way. You are not tasting love, you have not tasted love. When you taste love, first thing happens is, forget about money, you become fulfillment-centered.
4. Love Destroys Fear. Even between husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, when the real love flowers, suddenly the concept of future, insecurity, all that becomes meaningless. That is why there are thousands of decisions that you take when you are in love, you repent later on for that because then the love disappears, you repent for all those decisions.
When you break more and more of your patterns, this love becomes established in your system, that becomes part of your very system.
5. Love makes you fanatically not think about Security. The very insecurity about the future disappears. Even though the other person constantly shows the insecurity to you in front of your eyes, you fanatically do not think about insecurity. I always tell people, even if you have one question about your future security, you are not in love, you have not experienced love. You will fanatically not think about any insecurity. You go on feeling the tremendous security and fulfillment centered thinking.
6. Beautiful Smell of Love and Bliss. When you don’t bother about your future or security, when that fear disappears from your inner space, even your sweat will not smell. That is the scale. There will be a beautiful ‘Ananda Gandha’ (fragrance of bliss) around you – smell of love, smell of bliss, which puts anybody who comes in your breathing space into that same space. It is not just only yogic quality, even ordinarily, when you are in love, suddenly the concept of insecurity will disappear. The concept of money will disappear. You will start thinking from fulfillment centre.
7. With Love, your Blood becomes Milk. The Great Enlightened Master – Mahavira, when he became enlightened, his love became milk. Of course it’s a very poetic expression. Means the amount of love. He just became extraordinary love. Mahavira is a Master I can say, lived in ultimate insecurity, not bothered about future or security.
You only think you are in love, you are not in love. Wake up. May be the relationship you have, you need to rethink, revisit, review. Somewhere it is an arrangement of convenience, not love. I think he is in love with you but you are not in love with him.
So, I wanted you to review the whole – the very relationship itself because any team strategy in the area of finance will be an arrangement of convenience. At least if you are doing this after spending 50 years together in the old age, when you are about to retire you want to sit and discuss the team strategy about money, finance, I’ll accept, but before even marrying, you want to develop a team strategy in the area of finance. Better forget about this marriage, this relationship.
You are not in love, so wait. Go on, continue your search, I bless you.